So, last night I was watching Downton Abbey. I’m not sure if you’ve seen it, it’s basically Gosford Park:The Series. Servants, Lords, Manors, illegitimate bastards, secret heirs, stiff upper lip wobbles, duty, cold women, hot tempered men, war, disease, The Irish.

I’m completely addicted to it. I’ve been giving people long lingering looks across overly bright rooms for quite some time now but they seldom realise the reference. So, here’s a drinking game I concocted:

A PARTY AT DOWNTON ABBEY

Lord and Lady Grantham cordially invite you to dinner and drinks at Downton Abbey. Evening dress required.

Please, drink a toast to Downton Abbey, calling out “To Downton!”

1 ) Any time anyone walks into a room and a woman is crying alone
2 ) Any time Bates gets kicked out of Downton Abbey
3 ) Any time Bates is exonerated and returns to Downton Abbey
4 ) Any time someone is announced by a servant.
5 ) Any time Carson decants some wine.
6 ) Any time the Dowager Countess is SHOCKED at someone saying she is exactly the way she is.
7 ) Any time the Lord Grantham says something with unwittingly super gay overtones.
8 ) Any time Mathew gets disinherited.
9 ) Any time the Lord Grantham says “Out of the Question!”
10) Any time someone steals food for someone else.
11) Any time any of the room bells in the kitchen rings.
12) Any time Mosely thinks he’s going to get something and fails to do so.
13) Any time Mary is standing alone crying with one and on a wall and the other over her mouth.
14) Any time O’Brian tells the Lady Grantham something while doing her hair in order to manipulate her.
15) Any time Lord Grantham apologises to Bates for misunderstanding the facts at hand.
16) Any time anyone drinks booze.
17) Any time Mathew threatens to leave Downton
18) Any time O’Brien or Thomas accuses the other of “Going Soft”
19) Any time the Dowager makes some statement about how new things don’t suit her.
20) Any time O’Brien and Thomas have a plot riddled smoke together.
21) Any time Bates takes one for the team.
22) Any time Carson gets annoyed because dinner service isn’t up to the standards of Downton.

HARDCORE VERSION

Every time the Downton music reaches a dramatic crescendo.

TO DOWNTON!