Alcohol is one of those words that for some reason, I’ve always had trouble spelling. I think that I think I think that it has more “h”‘s*.
Anyways. Barring** one night where a talented Port merchant forced me to taste his wares and another night where someone ruthlessly bought me a gin and tonic with feckless abandon when I ASKED FOR A SPRITE, I’m pretty golden. Not a drop has passed my lips. People left and right who have made a similar pledge have fallen by the wayside. I don’t actually know ANYONE of my friend group who have managed to hold on as long as I have, so I remain alone in my sobriety and I have realised a few little things.
A) Being sober is fucking boring.
B) I don’t really feel like, a huge amount better as a result.
C) I am still the pudgy mess I have always been.
D) People are not as impressed by self control as they are disturbed by it.
E) It’s not that going for a pint is expensive, it’s that it always comes in fourteen glasses.
So, I have decided to continue with my abstinence, at least until I have a proper job that can support my habit.
*How the hell do you pluralise something in inverted commas?
** This should be a pun but it actually isn’t.